html xmlns:og='' xmlns:expr=''> Lounging at the Waldorf: Humiliating Tales of Humiliation, Episode 1


Thursday, September 1, 2011

Humiliating Tales of Humiliation, Episode 1

I was 15 or so and boys liking me was a rarity.  This wasn't an all consuming boo-hoo-athon.  I just accepted it as a fact not unlike "I wear glasses," and moved on with life.

But then it happened.  

A boy, let's call him Javier because I've always liked that name, said he "thought I was cute."  He was older (16), was in a reggae band (hot), and was thinking about growing dreadlocks (dedicated). 

One night at a party, he pulled me close, put his lips on mine, and we aggressively swatted our tongues around each other's mouths for a minute or two.

It.  Was.  Incredible.

When the party was over, Javier and his friend walked me and my friend home.  As we passed the junior high where I had recently graduated, it occurred to me what a sophisticated lady I'd become.  It was the summer before high school and here I was, at nighttime, walking with a reggae bass player as he pushed his bike beside me, humming Bob Marley, and occasionally punching his friend.  It was perfect.  It was beautiful.  It was just like a movie!  Then, he showed us how he could stick his tongue up his nose. 

I screamed.

The only boy who ever liked me could French kiss his own nostril.

Crush over.

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