html xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#' xmlns:expr='http://www.google.com/2005/gml/expr'> Lounging at the Waldorf: Humiliating Tales of Humiliation Episode 3: Sexy

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Thursday, December 1, 2011

Humiliating Tales of Humiliation Episode 3: Sexy

There were two fourth grade classes.  My class, Ms. A's class,  consisted of all fourth graders.  But Shannon Perth (not even close to her real name) was in Mrs. N's class that was half fourth and half fifth. 

One day, the other fourth graders came into our room.  They were camping out with us for an hour or so and we were told to be nice and share our space with them.

"Why are you guys here?" I asked some kid.

"The fifth graders are watching The Movie,"

I could hear those capital letters in his voice and I perked up.  This was obviously juicy. Perhaps it was a movie about kidnappers or Angel Dust, two evils that were, according to TV, lurking around every corner.

"What movie?"

"The Sex Ed Move.  Fourth graders aren't allowed to see it.  Except Shannon.  Her mom wrote her a note that said she could watch it."

What?  Shannon Perth's mom wrote her a note?  So she could see The Movie?  That was so unfair!  I wanted to see The Sex Ed Movie!

Well, I'd only known about it for three or four seconds.  Even so, my jealousy was raging.  If Shannon Perth was going to be mature, I had to be mature, too. 

So after school, little 9 year old me went to the library on Main Street and checked out an age appropriate book about sex.  Though I have no recollection of this, I'm sure it had many awful, pen and ink illustrations of pubes, boobs, and pimples.

That night, I read and read yet understood nothing.  In an attempt to both fish around for some clarification and also to try out my sex educated vocabulary, I approached my cornrowed, tight jeaned, butterfly sleeved, teenage babysitter in utter confidence.

"Bridget," I said, perched on the arm of the couch in a rather sophisticated, talk show manner, "do you masterbate?"

She looked up from her homework and shook her head.  The beads on the bottom of all her braids clack, clack, clacked in horror.

"Raina, you don't ask people if they masturbate!"

"You don't?"

"No, you don't."

Damn.  I bet Shannon Perth knew that already. 


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