Did I say Maury Pauvich? No, I would never say Maury Pauvich.
Did I say Iyanla Vanzant? No, I can't even pronounce Iyanla Vanzant.
Did I say Arsenio Hall?
Yes, goddamn it, I did. So dust off your Troop jacket and take the mothballs out of the rather large pockets of your Cross Color jeans because Arsenio is back!
Mr. Hall recently signed deal with CBS and will be at the hosting desk once again. And since this news proves my clairvoyance, allow me to let a few other forthcoming facts be known (written in present tense the way all the self help books say you should):
I am a millionairess and my tagline is, "From zero to more zeroes than you can count, ninja!"
Obama wins a second term and brings Dame Maggie Smith on board as Minister of Badass Old Ladies.
Chez Panisse provides all public school lunches.
I have a pair of Louis Vuitton lederhosen.
Fox News n'existe pas.
So, I've put the word out into the universe. Now all we do is wait. It will all come true. You'll see...
Pauline Frederick, Potiphar's Wife, 1910