This is the dress I'm wearing when I go to a PTA meeting with my neighbor, Björk. Our children attend the same school, the Dorothy Parker Academy. Our little sweethearts study Insufferable Wit in addition to more traditional subjects like Verbal Butchering and Art of Making Mama a Martini. As usual, Björk is running late but she's her bringing her signature dish, Pjörk Buns, so no one minds.
This is the dress that I am wearing when I get in a heated exchange of words with my "friend" Uma Thurman. She keeps borrowing my curling iron as well as various members of my staff. I am so fed up with her behavior that I march through the door of her chalet and wouldn't you know she is standing in the conservatory with the Inga, the woman who does my toes, nips, and lips. "Oh, just look at the two of you," I say. "You're both positively filthy with guilt!" Uma is doing her best to hide the curling iron behind her back but the cord trails behind like a rodent's tail revealing her to be the rat that she is!
This is the dress I'm wearing when I have to fire Deepak Chopra. I'm worshipping Oprah full time now so...