html xmlns:og='' xmlns:expr=''> Lounging at the Waldorf: Fashion Week, 2013


Monday, February 11, 2013

Fashion Week, 2013

It's Fashion Week in NYC and Old Man Blizzard be damned, it's about to get all fabulous up in here! As usual, I was asked to attend thousands absolutely no fashion shows. Well, like I always say, you can keep the girl off of the runway but you can't keep the runway out of the girl!

That didn't come out right.

Anywho, here are some of the fierce looks I saw outside the tents as I sat perched in a tree. In the cold. With pneumonia. Did I mention there was a blizzard? But, as I am an on-trend professional who is willing to suffer for my art (blogging), I shall ALWAYS put my life on the line for all twenty-seven of my readers!

This enticing bit of roadkill comes to us from wunderkind designer Crimson Azerbaijan (birth name, Becky Sims) and her wild, hedonistic downtown crew, House of Azerbaijan.

In her 4,000 square foot, daddy-paid-for-it Tribeca loft, these kids are reinventing what we have heretofore known as "street style." They take a screwdriver and call it a purse. Used Britta filters are effortlessly re-imagined into crisp dirndls. And then there's the furry helmet and catcher's mask. Every bit of vroom vroom as it is strrrrike, you're out!, these feline face protectors are, without a doubt, necessary. But however can you ever choose just one?

This fresh breath of summertime is all the rage on the sunless, rock-water beaches of "Great" Britain. It's called the Crotch Slot, except in Wales where it's known as the Crackelop. That's butt crack plus envelop.

Hand knit from old rope to protect your tender bits from the unforgettable mud of the Irish Sea, this come hither swimsuit will have all the boys saying, "What the -?"

Designers have turned to the garden for inspiration and in this economy, who can blame them? Hardship has always bred creativity. Why, in World War II, ladies wore raffia shoes while leather was rationed. And now, a mere $1,200 for will get you a splendid cabbage patch hat from up-and-coming designer Mr. Shh!

Shh! is the offspring of not one but TWO Chinatown bus drivers. Unsurprisingly, at age 5, his only words of English were, "Bus to Philly, $8! Washington, DC - $12!"

But soon he learned "cabbage," "you buy," and "stupid rich people." Armed with knowledge, the American dream was his at last and today, Shh! has emerged as one of New York's most celebrated young talents. 

Now this was a real eye-opener for me. I truly thought the whole 19th century, Dutch nanny thing was over in 2007. But here it is, back and in full effect. 

Here we see the DeGlass sisters - Tammi, Sammi, and Marriott. These young ladies are the heiresses to the Arizona born empire, DeGlass Beer and Beverage Emporium. I know what you're thinking. Beer is a beverage. But this is American royalty, suger. It doesn't have to make sense just like European royalty don't have to marry outside of their immediate gene pool. It just has to smell like money and this trio spends more in an afternoon on the "right look" than you did in the '90's. So if they're wearing, you WISH you were wearing it.

Finally, I truly believe Fashion Week 2013 will always be remembered as the year that answered the question, "What would it look like if Madonna had a baby with Dumb Donald from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids?" Well, kittens, the answer is this:

And by the look on poor Donald's face, I'd say she slipped him a Roofie.  Again.

All images from Retronaut.

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