Next we have the hand sanitizer enthusiasts. They are a bit more fragile than tissue people because they have really put an extraordinary amount of faith in a tiny bottle of gelatinous rubbing alcohol. They aren't just protecting themselves. They are battling germs and winning the war! With magical jelly, no less! They are smug and content and pretty sure they're hands are more or less clean enough to perform oral surgery without gloves. Not that they would want to.
Lastly, we have the wet wipe folks. These people have no shame. They will wipe down a table in the fanciest of restaurants. They ask to borrow your phone then give it a quick swab before putting it to their precious pie holes. They will wipe clean the grimy face of a kid, any kid, whether it's their's or not. Wet wipe people are modern day saviors in their own sterile minds. Some surface feels a little sticky? Watch as their gaze softens into Virgin Mary-grade benevolence.
"Don't worry," they coo, reaching for their purse. "I have a wet wipe."
So, to all the crazy-ass wet wipe people out there, you know who you are and this one's for you!
Crazy Beautiful Wet Wipes available here.