It happened in 2000, right after I saw Traffic. He walked off the movie screen, swept me out of my seat and was all, "Baby, let's just go to Vegas and do this!"
I was shocked and was rather bloated from the all the popcorn and Sprite I'd consumed during the film. I needed a tactic, one that was both romantic and bought me enough time to deflate.
"Ai, no, mi dulce amor," I purred. "Mañana, en la isla de Vieques."
Like most people who are bilingual, Benicio LOVES it when I butcher his native tongue.
And so when the swelling went down in my face and tummy, we were married in a beautiful beach wedding with dolphins and pirates as our witnesses. Our marriage was a happy one until I heard Outkast at which point I married André 3000.
Have a butchered weekend!