html xmlns:og='' xmlns:expr=''> Lounging at the Waldorf: Humiliating Tales of Humiliation Episode 6: Big Fancy Words


Saturday, April 5, 2014

Humiliating Tales of Humiliation Episode 6: Big Fancy Words

I will always hold firm to this: English is my second language. My first language is the unfettered emotion of baby babble. It's the sound of a heartbeat or the woosh of the stars. It's simple, intuitive, effortless.

English, on the other hand, is not effortless. If you give a crap about how you sound, English is downright stressful.

One of my shinier moments was when I told a date (and by "date" I mean "guy I met in bar") that a friend of mine's family built a "geocentric dome." 

What had been a lively, woozy bit of bar talk suddenly came to an awkward standstill. Something was amiss. The guy suddenly looked all, "I'm going to sleep with her, I'm never going to call her, and she's such a ding dong, she might not even notice."

Just for the record (and by "for the record" I mean, "for my in-laws,"), I did not sleep with this guy. But I digress. Digression one of the many side effects of loquaciousness.

Me: I didn't use the right word, did I?

Dude from the South: No.

Me: What did I say?

Not knowing what you just said is yet another side effect. 

DFTS: Geocentric

Me: Wait. What does that mean?

Please, allow me to point out that I have a master's degree in Creative Writing.

DFTS: It means that you think Earth is at the center of the universe.

Me: And what did I mean?

DFTS: Geodesic.

Me (rapidly clapping my hands, giddy as a child): Circles! It's a dome made of circles!

DFTS: Uh, yeah.

So much for me and big fancy words 'n concepts. Not surprisingly, we both married other people. 

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