html xmlns:og='' xmlns:expr=''> Lounging at the Waldorf: The Sunshine State


Monday, May 12, 2014

The Sunshine State

Florida Print by Pen Meet Paper -
Pen Meet Paper

A trigger happy place that coincidentally (ironically? sadly?) looks like a gun, Florida seems to pop out more oddities per minute than your average Depression era freak show. If it isn't a lost coffin full of firearms, it's a dude pouring hot sauce on his girlfriend's puppy. You like Mexican food? This drunken Florida man tried to give deputies a taco for ID while sitting in a Taco Bell drive through with his engine on fire. You like the beach? Rent a beach beach house from this spy guy. You like ninjas? What if ninjas robbed your house? Now do you like ninjas?

Speaking of homes, this humble, half-built amusement located 20 miles outside of Orlando has 10 kitchens, 23 bathrooms, a roller rink, multiple swimming pools, a bowling alley, a baseball field, and underground parking for a few dozen cars. But if you want to buy it, too late. After being the subject of a documentary then subsequently on the market for a few years at the "bitch, please" asking price of $65 million, the owners have decided not to sell but to finish their gilded digs. And, oh, it shall be elegant.

Once known for growing oranges, Florida is now more popular for cultivating situations such as, "Topless Florida Woman Wrecks McDonald's, Pauses to Guzzle Ice Cream." And the world certainly has taken notice!

Huffington Post boasts a Weird Florida section. Reddit has a section titled Florida Man, where "Florida man/woman" headlines vie for attention - Florida Man Chases Girlfriend with Sword, Florida Man Tries to Have Sex with Beer Can, Florida Woman Attempts to Bulldoze Her Neighbor's Trailer, etc.  Even the Miami Herald has it's own FloriDUH blog. Not content to just collect these odd deeds, Death and Taxes is gathering signatures to give Florida back to Spain. I can see the headlines now:

Florida Man Claiming to Be Antonio Banderas Wrestles Gator, Impregnates Paella Pan

No comments:

Post a Comment