html xmlns:og='http://ogp.me/ns#' xmlns:expr='http://www.google.com/2005/gml/expr'> Lounging at the Waldorf: Famous Lesbian Hairdos

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Saturday, January 9, 2016

Famous Lesbian Hairdos

I just watched the first few episodes of the second season of "Transparent."  There is an exchange between Ali (Gaby Hoffmann) and Syd (Carrie Brownstein) about Ali's new hairstyle. It's been cut in a very typical inspired-by-the'80's sort of way: shaved it on the sides, long in the front and back. But then Ali being Ali goes the extra mile twists the middle bit into a French braid.

"That's an interesting braid," says Syd. "Did you join a new wave polygamist cult?"

It's a quick scene but it did get me thinking about lesbian hairdos. Not all lesbian hairdos. Just the famous ones. And then I had to rewind the show because I was, as many teachers have put it, "going off on a tangent" and "meandering off-topic," whatever that means.



The Mullet
The Grandmother, the Gaia, the Eve, Esther, Ruth, and Lillith of all lesbian hairdos. Gracing the heads of our Sapphic sisters since the the '70's, this classic may be bi-level but is not bi-curious. It is gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, and is always a winner.



The Woodchipper
Like a mullet but one that got caught in heavy machinery.



Lockbian
A perennial with Black Millennials, the Lockbian works well with Timberland boots and an extravagant collection of keys-on-the-hip. Note: This style requires a baseball hat at all times.



Dippity Doo Dyke
Even though it was one of the many oppressive moments in American history (fire hoses, police dogs), peope love the precise style of the Eisenhower years. Dippity Doo, or any brand of gel, really, can slick your tresses right back into an ad for Texaco gas circa '58 lickety split.

Lickety (tee hee hee!) split (ba ha ha!).


La Bieber
Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber started as a Tumblr account, but really it's more like a religion. Because just like the Almighty, you will see Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber everywhere if you just opened your eyes.



Long and Strong
There's a mile of wisdom in every inch.

So after enjoying these deep, important thoughts, I went back to watching "Transparent." And here's the weird thing about that show. No, it's not that the dad - a later-in-life professor - comes out as trans. No, it's not that three out of five members of the family are exploring their sexuality at the exact same time. And no, it's not Ali's hair.

It's that they're all so selfish. Not a single one of the main characters thinks about anyone else. Ever.

So why am I thinking about them?


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