My friend Molly does stand up. This is her joke. "I do this neat trick at work everyday. I sit at my desk and slowly die. Anyone else do that?"
I think there are about four types of workers. So no, not everyone knows that trick, Molls. But a lot do. A lot. Here's four types of workers. Any more than that and this blog will cease to be my happy place.
The Garden SculpturesThey are stuck in the mud of life and not quite sure what to do about it. They never made a plan. They let opportunities glide by. They made it to some job that's slightly okay and then froze. At night, they go to a bar, put "Is That All There Is?" by Miss Peggy Lee on the jukebox, then sip a cocktail in the shadows. If it's not too late, they will desperately marry rich.
The Passion PlayersThese folks don't really care what they do to earn money. To them, jobs are just a means to fund their real passion - children, travel, snowboarding, scuba diving, puppetry, classic cars, church organizing...These people are gloriously exhausted running from animal rights fundraiser to band practice to AA meeting. They go everywhere on frequent flier miles and sleep like babies.
The Beautiful OnesThe next group is having such a good time, they aren't even sure if they should call it a job. It's more of a benevolent obligation like having to eat the all the plums in the fruit bowl before they rot. This group finds meaning, satisfaction, and large buckets of money in all that they do. I assume these people leap out of bed in the morning, run five miles, have sex with a super model, then boogie board to their place of work on a wave of strawberry milk. I think we can all agree that these people suck.
Tiny TyrantsYou know them. The ones that soak in the manmade rays of whatever power they have like a Jersey girl in a tanning bed. They're little gods in big buildings. The ones who read a report you've done and rip it up in a meeting in front of your peers (I witnessed that). The ones who have you redo a PowerPoint deck 12 times (I witnessed that, too). The ones who say, "I'm going through a divorce" during your exit interview as an excuse for their inexcusable behavior like not allowing you to take your mom to a chemo appointment (I wish I was making this up). They invent enemies and fight imaginary wars. Their paranoia makes them a danger to all, especially themselves. They love it when you remember their birthdays or throw them an elaborate going away party. And you will throw them the best going away party you and Pinterest can conjure because you will be so glad that they are going away.
Anyone else do that?